


little talks

by sidetone



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24693019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidetone/pseuds/sidetone
Summary: There’s a pause, and Tim can tell there are things Martin isn’t telling him. Not that he’s lying, he was being honest about his feelings, but he wasn’t telling him exactly why. He places a hand on his shoulder, knowing by now touch seemed to comfort him; how it kept him from drifting off too far into his own thoughts. “Hey, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just thought maybe that was on your mind…"Martin almost laughs a bit at that, just shaking his head. “Oh, no. I mean, I get why you’d think that, we are getting to that point in our lives…” He sighs, his shoulders sinking as he looked to the floor, his hands fidgeting like they typically did when he was nervous. “It’s just… Family is a complicated subject for me, I guess.”
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Tim Stoker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	little talks

**Author's Note:**

> no thoughts head empty no proofreading just soft martim and martin getting the comfort he deserves

The hum of the TV is the only noise filling the room, but it’s not an uncomfortable silence. Sometimes words aren’t needed to express love and comfort, not when Tim’s got Martin’s head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around him and holding him close. It wasn’t unusual for the two of them to spend the afternoons of their days off like this, just relaxing together after a stressful week of investigating supernatural horrors. It was just the kind of break they both needed.

Still, despite how comforting their cuddling on the couch was, Tim could tell something was up with his boyfriend. It was pretty easy for him to tell after nearly a year, the little cues that most would miss- a shift in his position, a slight purse on his lips, the flicker of his gaze away from the screen or the simple look of zoning out. They were hard to catch, but the signs were there, and once he noticed it and started paying attention, the pattern here became clear to him.

The happy families in commercials, eating breakfast together, parents watching their kids grow up, changing their diapers or buying them their first car, always smiling- There seemed to be something on Martin’s mind every time those were on screen. Sometimes he would let out a quiet sigh, look away from the screen- other times he could feel him tense ever so slightly. Tim didn’t quite know what his deal was, but he would admit he felt a bit strange seeing those ads as well. They weren’t exactly getting any younger, and most of their peers had gotten married and started families of their own- at least, Tim’s peers had. Martin didn’t have many friends outside the workplace, as he’d come to learn. 

Maybe it was longing weighing on his mind today. Martin didn’t talk much about his family, just the brief mention of trying to get in contact with his mother, but maybe… 

“D’you want kids?” Tim finally broke the silence with the blunt question, and clearly that had surprised the other, causing him to sit straight up and look at him with wide eyes. “I mean, not right now, of course- I just meant someday. You know, once we get married- if you’ll say yes when I ask you to marry me, that is.” He clarified, and Martin seemed to relax a little at that, letting out a quiet laugh at the talk of marriage.

“Oh, don’t be like that. Of course I’d say yes.” Martin assured him, before sinking back into the couch with a sigh, a sense of sadness overtaking his features. “I… I honestly don’t know, though. About having kids, I mean. I just…” It seemed like he was having trouble articulating his thoughts, the words getting stuck in his throat. “I just don’t know. I mean, I’m not sure I’d… Make a good dad anyways, and a kid is a lot of responsibility…” 

“What are you talking about? You’re perfect dad material. I mean, obviously I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want to do, I’m just saying.” Tim shrugged, now feeling a bit awkward for bringing it up at all when it seemed like that hadn’t been what Martin was thinking about at all. Still, it was a conversation they had to have sooner or later. 

“I mean… It’s just a lot to be a parent, you know? To have that kind of effect on someone’s life.” He sighs, casting his gaze back to the TV. Another advertisement, a happy family in their new car. He can feel his heart sink a little at the sight. “I guess I’m just afraid I’ll screw it up, you know? I don’t want… I don’t want to realize I made a mistake too far down the line.”

_He didn’t want to screw up like his parents did-_ the unspoken words were heavy on his tongue. He knew that was what this was really about, his own parents. They were a weight on his shoulders that never quite went away. What if he repeated their mistakes? What if he fell sick like his mother did and he was left unable to care for them? He knew that Tim wouldn’t leave him, and he knew he would never be able to say to his own child what his mother said to him, but the fear was still there. _He didn’t want to ruin **another** person's life._ Or maybe he was scared of them turning out like he did. It was probably both. 

There’s a pause, and Tim can tell there are things Martin isn’t telling him. Not that he’s lying, he was being honest about his feelings, but he wasn’t telling him exactly why. He places a hand on his shoulder, knowing by now touch seemed to comfort him; how it kept him from drifting off too far into his own thoughts. “Hey, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just thought maybe that was on your mind…” 

Martin almost laughs a bit at that, just shaking his head. “Oh, no. I mean, I get why you’d think that, we are getting to that point in our lives…” He sighs, his shoulders sinking as he looked to the floor, his hands fidgeting like they typically did when he was nervous. “It’s just… Family is a complicated subject for me, I guess.” He finally settled on that explanation, and he can’t help a slight smile from crossing his face when Tim kissed his cheek. 

“D’you wanna talk about it?” He asked gently, not pushing the subject but wanting to give him room to vent if he wanted to. There’s clear hesitance from the other- He never really spoke about it, but then again, he never really had anyone to tell. Tim was… The first person who actually listened when he talked, actually paid attention to what he said, actually considered it important. His heart aches for a moment, and then Tim speaks again. “You don’t have to, of course, but… It might be good to just get it out, you know? I’m here to listen,”

“Well… Okay, m-maybe you’re right. I guess I’ve… Never really tried, so…” He took a deep breath, and Tim reached over to intertwine their fingers, gently squeezing his hand. “So… I never really had a… Happy family, like the ones you see in commercials and all that. I-I know those are unrealistic and all, but I can’t- I can’t help feeling guilty when I see that kind of thing sometimes.”

“Guilty?” Tim questioned softly, and he nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat as he continued.

“Y-Yeah, well… I always felt like it was my fault my family split up.” Martin sighs, his chest feeling tight as he spoke. He’d had these thoughts for years and years, ever since he was a child, but actually saying them was something entirely different. “I was 8 when my mom started becoming r-really sick, and… I guess my dad just couldn’t handle taking care of both a kid and his wife. S-so he, uh… He left us. I just always thought if… If I had never been born, then he would’ve stayed with her after she fell ill.”

“Don’t say that-!” Tim cut himself off almost as soon as he started talking, but he couldn’t help himself, not when he heard his boyfriend saying things like that. “I mean… I’m sorry, but that’s in no way your fault. You were just a kid, Martin… It’s his own fault for leaving his family.”

There’s a pang in his chest at that, and he can feel tears sting his eyes for a moment. He quickly blinked them back though, shaking his head. “... Yeah, I… I guess, I just can’t help feeling guilty about it either way.” His voice has a sense of defeat as he squeezes the others hand again, closing his eyes. “I know she loves me, I know she does- but… She always gave me that look like she just hated me, and I always thought that was why. I-I tried to make up for it, I really did, but it was just… Never enough.”

“I’m sorry, babe…” He murmured quietly in response, not sure what to do. From the sound of it Martin had quite the rough childhood, one he’d somehow never talked about in their almost year of being together, but there was nothing he could do about that. He let out a breath, before he gently cupped his boyfriends face, gently running his thumb along his cheek. “But… You know you’re enough, right? You’re enough as you are. You are to me, at least…” 

Shit. That hit a little too hard. Before Martin knows it he’s started crying, something he hadn’t done in a long time, and Tim is wiping his tears away and gently kissing his forehead, looking at him with concern. “Hey, hey… You okay? Was it something I said…?” 

There’s a gentle laugh at that, shaking his head as he sniffles and looks at Tim with a wobbly smile. “It’s nothing, really, I’m fine- I guess I just didn’t know how much I needed to hear that from someone.” 

“That’s not nothing…” Tim sighed, before kissing his cheek, as if he were trying to kiss everything better. “I just wish you would’ve told me sooner. I mean, I’m no therapist or anything, but… I want to be able to be there for you, you know? It’s hard to carry that kind of guilt for so long, and I just… I want you to know you don’t have to carry it on your own.” 

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want to be a burden or anything-” Martin starts, but he’s quickly silenced as Tim presses a finger to his lips, shaking his head at him.

“No, no, don’t apologize. You’re not a burden to me, and you never will be.” He assured him, before pulling him into a tight hug. Martin’s face was buried in his shoulder as they sat there in silence for a moment. He could tell he was still crying a little, but he didn’t mind, just running his hand through his hair. “Are you feeling any better?” He asked quietly after a bit, and he felt Martin nod, a smile crossing his own face as he did. 

“Mm, yeah, a little bit.” His words are muffled by Tim’s shoulder, but still understandable. “You’re the first person I’ve ever told any of that to, honestly… Haha, you probably know more about me than anyone else now.” Martin pulls away to look him in the eyes, still a bit teary. “I really mean that, you know. You’re the first person to listen to me like this, a-and… To be honest, you’re the first person to really feel like family, you know? Like… I feel like I’m at home when I’m with you.”

“Oh my god, if you don’t stop you’re gonna get me crying too…” Tim chuckled a bit, pressing their foreheads together. “Seriously though, I’m really glad I can be that person for you. You feel like home to me, too…” 

Martin can’t help kissing him softly in that moment, before pulling away to smile at him, the sadness finally gone from his eyes. “I love you, Tim, I really do.” He hummed, and the other laughed at that, just glad to see that he was happy again.

“I love you too, Martin. I love you, you love me, we’re in love, we both know this. But you know what I _don’t_ know?” He asks, and he can see the confusion on Martin’s face before he continues, a grin on his face. “Who’s gonna take whose last name?”

“Oh my god, I guess we haven’t talked about that, have we?”

“Well, what sounds better: Martin Stoker or Tim Blackwood?” 

“God, that’s a tough decision, we both have pretty cool sounding last names…”

The mood only got lighter from there, the heavy feeling finally lifted. It feels good, being able to cheer Martin up like this, being someone Martin could trust with his story… 

In that moment, Tim had never been more sure of the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Martin, discussions of surnames and children aside. When it came down to it, all he really cared about was spending his life with him. That was all… 

“Mm, you know what? I think I like the sound of Tim Blackwood.”


End file.
